Pat Kennedy fails Rhode test, Boy blunder didn?t have right - or write - of way
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Lib Loser Stories

Pat K fails Rhode test: Boy blunder didn't have right - or write - of way

A male member of the Kennedy family has been involved in an automobile accident that was totally his fault.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Fortunately, this time no one suffocated in a '67 Oldsmobile Delmont at the bottom of a tidal pond.

Come on down, Patches Kennedy, Boy Congressman from Rhode Island.

And what's up with Patches this spring? First he takes a hammer to the mouth in Pawtucket, and now he's driving around Rhode Island like an idiot, or should I say, a Kennedy?

Does Patches have some issues - I mean, other than the ones we already know about, the "medications," the boat, the women, the fact that he's more incoherent than his worthless father and is generally dumber than two rocks.

This time, the question must be asked, what's up with Patches' handwriting? Check out the Portsmouth Police Department accident report he filled out. Is that the handwriting of a 38-year-old member of Congress?

It looks like it was written by a chimpanzee, or a 2-year-old.

Or a Kennedy.

It was Saturday, April 15 - Tax Day, not that that means much to a Kennedy. They want to raise your taxes, not theirs. Just ask Ted which state they filed Grandma's will in. (Hint: it wasn't Massachusetts.)

Patches' trust fund bought him a house in Portsmouth, R.I., a few years back. On this Tax Day, at 10 a.m., he was on his way to the local drug store - fill in your own Patches Kennedy-at-the-DRUG-store joke here. It was a CVS.

Patches was behind the wheel of a 2003 Crown Vic - a gas guzzler, but then, like taxes, fuel conservation is something for the Little People to worry about, not one of the Beautiful People. The Ford is owned, by the way, by The Friends of Pat Kennedy, Inc. Must be nice.

So Patches is trying to turn off Turnpike Avenue into the CVS parking lot, and he's in a hurry ... if you know what I mean. Why should a Kennedy have to wait until the car with the right of way goes by in the other direction?

As one witness put it:

"A vehicle was in front of V#2 (the Patches mobile) making a left into CVS, and that V#2 turned directly behind the unidentified vehicle turning without hesitation."

Didn't the other driver know who he was?

The other motorist, a 46-year-old guy from Bristol, slammed his 2000 Nissan into Patches' Crown Vic. By Kennedy standards, it was a fender-bender. Not only did not a single blonde die, no one was even paralyzed, or raped. Of course, Patches' no doubt extremely urgent trip to the drugstore was delayed, which may be the cause of his almost indecipherable scribbling. Dammit, he needed some more ... shampoo?

A call was placed to his Rhode Island office yesterday, but was not returned. I am somewhat puzzled by the police officer's description of Patches' physical condition:

"Appeared Normal."

Nobody who scribbles like that is normal. Look, no one is expecting even mediocrity from the boy - this is the Congressman who once decried the fact that middle-class Americans were having trouble "making mends meet." But given the trouble he gets into, shouldn't he have someone on the payroll just for moments like this?

The accident wasn't reported in the newspapers until almost a week after it happened. The story ended up in the D section of the Providence Journal, under the East Bay Sports Bulletin Board and a big story headlined, "Two arrested after Newport tagging spree."

Probably six people saw the story. Luckily, one of them faxed it to me. And so we have another chapter in the pathetic biography of Patches Kennedy.

The chapter's title: "When You Need, I Mean Really Need Something at the Drugstore, Send A Flunky."

Your dad could have told you that, Patches.

(Origional story requires registration) --- Boston Herald ~ Howie Carr **
Pat K fails Rhode test: Boy blunder didn't have right - or write - of way