Mood:
sillyTopic: Funny Stuff
"Paralyzed" woman gets up, runs from police
LOS ANGELES - A wheelchair-bound Los Angeles woman, who has repeatedly filed lawsuits over access for the disabled, got up and ran after police arrested her for fraud, authorities said on Thursday.
Laura Lee Medley, 35, had sued in at least four California cities over injuries she claimed she sustained while trying to navigate her wheelchair before she was suspected of fraud.
Medley, who claimed to be paralyzed from a drunk driving accident, was tracked to Las Vegas where police there took her into custody and then, when she complained of medical issues, to a local hospital, Long Beach prosecutor Belinda Mayes said.
"She gets to the hospital and while she's waiting for an examination, she gets up from the chair and runs," Mayes said. "Somebody remarked, 'That's where the great miracle occurred."'
Medley sprinted through the hospital corridors but was quickly apprehended by police and booked pending extradition to San Bernardino, southern California, where she is facing charges of filing false documents, attempted grand theft and insurance fraud.
Medley has sued the cities of Long Beach and South Pasadena and counties of San Bernardino and Riverside over various injuries she claimed she sustained in her wheelchair. She was also being sought on arrest warrants by the states of Oregon and Washington, Mayes said.
My Way News ~ Reuters ** "Paralyzed" woman gets up, runs from police
Posted by yaahoo_2006iest
at 3:42 PM EDT
chatty
Limbaugh Theory of Relativity
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
RUSH: This might be an excellent time for me to explain to you my latest mathematical formula, ladies and gentlemen. I mentioned this in the previous hour. Everybody is wondering how can it be that the mainstream media, the Drive-By Media, is losing so much influence, and they are, I mean you see the newspaper circulation. We had the numbers yesterday, down, TV ratings, down, compared to all-time highs back in the eighties. There is a new media out there that consists of talk radio, Fox News, and the blogosphere. They don't have their monopoly anymore. They don't have the automatic ability in one night to shape opinion on anything. They used to have that power. They don't any longer. But despite the fact that they are losing influence, how at the same time are they able to do so much damage? This requires a formula much like Einstein had his theory of relativity, 
How can the Drive-By Media, in such disrepute, create so much negativity? Employment is up, unemployment is down, retirement funds are up, household net worth is up, consumer confidence is up, home ownership is up, virtually every economic statistic that matters is up. How can the reality be so good and the perception be so bad? Well, much as Einstein had his theory of relativity, we here at the Limbaugh Institute have come up with our own theory of relativity for the mainstream media. Here's the formula. We'll put this on the website so you can actually see it. You can play around with it yourself. Here's the formula as expressed. MMI = BS times T squared. MMI = BS x T2. Here's what the symbols in the formula mean. MMI is mainstream media influence. We could call it DBMI, Drive-By Media influence. BS of course equals BS, Barbra Streisand. And the T, equals the time in days. So the formula is MMI = BS times time squared, T squared. Time squared.
That is the media effect day after day, gloom. Day after day, pessimism. Day after day, housing bubble. Day after day, class warfare. Day after day, high gasoline price. Day after day, no future. Day after day, your kids inheriting a giant deficit. They'll never be able to have the life that their parents had. Then they'll run little stories in the so-called evening news, did you lose your job today? Will you lose your job tomorrow? Will your neighbor lose his job tomorrow? Did your neighbor lose his last three jobs during the Bush administration? I'm not sure who said this. "A lie told often enough becomes the truth." Was that Joseph Goebbels? [Lenin] It had to be a Nazi that did it. If there was ever a need for the Limbaugh theory of relativity, it is now, today, this time in our nation's history. The Drive-By Media influence on the economy is one thing. I mean, that's about money. But that influence, the Drive-By Media influence on the war on Islamofascism is another thing. That's about lives. That's about the future of civilization. How can vital interests, national security and so forth, be turned into doom and gloom? Easy. MMI = BS x T2. Time squared, day after day, bad news, day after day, if it bleeds, it leads. Day after day, we don't want to take sides with America because we're not sure that America deserves to win, because we're not sure that America is itself a just cause anymore.
By the way, the Limbaugh Theory, my formula here works just as well with our leadership. We need a strong president to deal with the Iran problem. We need a strong president to lead a flaccid United Nations, a strong president to try to inspire a tired, worn-out Europe. So how can this president, with this economy and this domestic peace, be so low in the polls? MMI = BS x T2. The BS is everything. Everything he does is wrong, every decision he makes is wrong, every nominee he names is wrong, every time he speaks it's wrong. The Limbaugh Theory of relativity explains it all. It's not the criticism, it's not the specific items mentioned. It's the day after day after day after day after day of unceasing media attacks. I'll tell you, I have a theory also about Bush's approval numbers. This business of being at 31% now doesn't make any sense if you measure this in terms that have always been used to define presidential popularity in the past. Why, given this economy, his polls ought to at least be 50. You'd have to subtract some because people are uneasy about the war, and they're uneasy because we are fighting it in a minimalist way.
We could be done with this like we could have been done in Vietnam, much shorter period of time. We don't have the guts to do what it would take in one fell swoop to win, so we meander along. There are some other things. But the economy ought to be bringing this up, and it's not. If you look deeply in some of the most recent polls, you find that there are conservatives who are unhappy with Bush, and Republicans, which I have always maintained, and it's about agenda items. It's about conservatism that's not being implemented or even fought for, so there's that. But I also think that there's a fatigue factor. This administration has not done a whole lot to defend itself. It has left that to others, and I think there's a general fatigue among everybody. I mean, you. You probably go out and talk to people and they say, "What do you think about Bush?" You get tired of trying to explain it.
Kerry Would Defeat Bush in New U.S. Election
In a January 2005 interview with NBC's Tim Russert, Kerry expressed satisfaction with his campaign, saying, "I won the youth vote. I won the independent vote. I won the moderate vote. If you take half the people at an Ohio State football game on Saturday afternoon and they were to have voted the other way, you and I would be having a discussion today about my State of the Union speech."
On Apr. 20, Kerry discussed the possibility of a presidential bid in 2008, saying, "I will make that decision before the end of the year but I'm thinking about it hard." The Massachusetts senator jokingly added, "If you can help me find 60,000 votes in Ohio."
Bush is ineligible for a third term in office. The next presidential election is scheduled for November 2008.
Polling Data
John Kerry (D) 47%
George W. Bush (R) 40%
Someone else 6%
Would not vote 4%
Don't know 3%
Source: Bloomberg / Los Angeles Times
DemonRats do 24 in 16 !
While Uncle Joe acknowledges that the 
(Never too soon to think about re-election cash for 2012).
7. Abortion amendment. Any time, any place for any reason.
9. Quintuple spending.
18. Elimination of school vouchers, charter schools and private schools.
Vicente Fox Announces Huge Oil Find
Mexico has discovered a huge new oil reserve that will increase its production capacity by nearly 50 percent, President Vicente Fox said Monday night - explaining that he intends to discuss how he'll use his new oil bonanza when he meets with President Bush in two weeks.
"We have excellent news that we will be announcing in a couple of weeks from now," Fox told MSNBC's "Rita Cosby Live and Direct."
He described the find as "a huge new reserve of oil and natural gas in the Gulf of Mexico that belongs to Mexicans" and noted that in his upcoming meeting with Bush, "energy is a key for our discussions."
Fox said his country's largest oil reserve is Cantarell, which is rapidly depleting. "This new reserve that we just have found will totally replace Cantarell with even more quantity then what originally Cantarell had," he told Cosby.
The White House announced over the weekend that Bush, Fox and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper will hold an economic and security summit in Cancun on March 30 and 31. Among the items on the agenda: "our common prosperity."
Fox said the oil find would help both the U.S. and Mexico deal with their respective "migration" problems.
"We see that migration is not only moving from Mexico to United States," he explained. "Last year we had to hold over 200,000 Central Americans that cross the border with Mexico, and of course they had plans to work in Mexico for a time and then try to move to United States."
Fox said Mexico's expanding oil industry would help build job opportunities in both his country and Central America, which will ultimately benefit the U.S. "It will help all three of us, that is part of what we're discussing, how can we remain competitive, how we can have plenty of energy and how we use energy to the benefit of people," he told Cosby.
Fox is an unapologetic advocate of illegal immigration, saying it helps both the U.S. and Mexico. Earlier this year he objected to U.S. plans to build a security fence along the Mexican border.
party time!
Woman gets beer from her kitchen faucet 
OSLO, Norway - It almost seemed like a miracle to Haldis Gundersen when she turned on her kitchen faucet this weekend and found the water had turned into beer.
Two flights down, employees and customers at the Big Tower Bar were horrified when water poured out of the beer taps.
By an improbable feat of clumsy plumbing, someone at the bar in Kristiandsund, western Norway, had accidentally hooked the beer hoses to the water pipes for Gundersen's apartment.
"We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out."
However, Gundersen said the beer was flat and not tempting, even in a country where a half-liter (pint) can cost about 25 kroner ($3.75) in grocery stores.
Per Egil Myrvang, of the local beer distributor, said he helped bartenders reconnect the pipes by telephone.
"The water and beer pipes do touch each other, but you have to be really creative to connect them together," he told local newspapers.
Gundersen joked about having the pub send up free beer for her next party. 
"But maybe it would be easier if they just invited me down for a beer," she said.
Talk about your miracles. 
All hail the beer god! Magic faucet... magic faucet... magic faucet (with apologies to the "magic fridge" commercial guys.)
special
Headlines for the year 2029:
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East! (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Caveman blondes also had more fun
Researchers say the tradition of blondes having more fun goes back to the end of the Ice Age.A report from the University of St. Andrews, published this week in Evolution and Human Behavior, says north European women evolved blond hair and blue eyes to make them stand out from their rivals at a time of fierce competition for scarce males, the Sunday Times of London reported.
Researchers say it appears blond hair originated in the region because of food shortages 10,000-11,000 years ago. Many men died in long, arduous hunting trips for food, leading to a high ratio of surviving women to men. Lighter hair colors, which started as rare mutations, became popular for breeding, the study said.
An analysis of north European genes carried out at three Japanese universities has isolated the date of the genetic mutation that resulted in blond hair to about 11,000 years ago.
A study by the World Health Organization found that natural blondes are likely to be extinct within 200 years because there are too few people carrying the blond gene, the newspaper said.
Winners of the Great Conservative Slogan Contest
Thanks to all who voted in the first Great Conservative Slogan Contest. The voting is closed and I've gathered the results. And without further ado, here are the winning slogans:
Best NSA slogan [by 
Best slogan about education [by Dennis Travis]:
Peace through victory.
Best "money and responsibility" slogan [by 
Best original "this is liberalism" slogan [by 
Best "election 2008" slogan [by Bilgeman]:
although I will no longer be counting votes.]
d'oh
The 21-year-old Lafayette man was taken to the hospital Monday night after his girlfriend accidentally shot him while they were trailing a raccoon that had been preying on chickens on his family's property.
"I read that thing about the vice president and said to myself 'how can you shoot your friend with your gun?' And look what happened," he said Tuesday.
Kayser was crouched down to look under a shed where he thought a wounded raccoon was hiding, and his 17-year-old girlfriend accidentally shot him with a .22-caliber rifle. Police have not identified the girlfriend.